A Ghost A Werewolf and A Vampire: A Supernatural Trio Joke Book Read online

A GHOST, A WEREWOLF, AND A VAMPIRE…

  A Supernatural Trio Joke Book

  By

  Donald Ray

  Copyright 2014 Donald Ray

  License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Dedication

  To my daughters, Haley and Emily

 

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  The Reasons Why I Wrote This Book

  A Ghost, a Werewolf, and a Vampire…

  A Witch, a Frankenstein Monster, and a Troll…

  The Norse God, Thor, a Skeleton, and a Hobbit…

  The Devil, an Angel, and a Fairy…

  A Zombie, a Dragon, and the Invisible Man…

  About Donald Ray

  Connect with Donald Ray

  Other Books by Donald Ray

  A Sample from Ode To A Protruding Gap Filler: A Multi-Themed Poetry Collection

  ODE TO A PROTRUDING GAP FILLER

  THE REASONS WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK

  There is a traditional joke form that begins “A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar…. I imagined a new joke form where a more outrageous, supernatural trio would walk into a bar or do other activities together, and the hilarity that would ensue!

  Also, it’s Halloween. Enjoy!

  (P.S. Readers of this book are invited to go to my social media websites (see Connect With Donald Ray in the back of this book) and submit their own Supernatural Trio jokes!)

  A GHOST, A WEREWOLF, AND A VAMPIRE …..

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire walk into a bar.

  The bartender says he can't serve them.

  "Why?", they ask.

  The bartender says, "The ghost is not a person.

  We don't allow dogs in the bar.

  And the vampire keeps sticking people for drinks"

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire are finally allowed to buy drinks.

  What does each one order?

  The ghost orders spirits.

  The werewolf orders "hair of the dog".

  And the vampire orders a Bloody Mary.

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire book an airline flight.

  Who gets the lowest fare?

  The vampire gets a low fare since he only flies at night.

  The werewolf gets an even lower fare since he goes in a doggie carrier in cargo,

  And the ghost pays no fare because he possesses the body of a paying customer!

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire go to lunch.

  What does each one get?

  The ghost gets Ghost Toasties.

  The werewolf gets Kibbles 'n Bits.

  The vampire gets a bottle of "True Blood" from his favorite waitress, Sookie.

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire shop at Wal-Mart.

  What does each buy?

  The ghost buys sheets.

  The werewolf buys a chew toy.

  The vampire buys black satin fabric for a new cape.

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire each have a favorite song.

  What are they?

  The vampire’s is “Fangs for the Memories”.

  The werewolf’s is “Bad Moon on the Rise”.

  The ghost’s is “Spooky”.

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire get sick.

  What are each one’s illnesses?

  The ghost has “the vapors”.

  The werewolf has mange.

  The vampire has fang decay’

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire have favorite civic organizations.

  What are they?

  The vampire’s is the Blood Bank.

  The werewolf’s is the Kennel Club.

  The ghost’s, unfortunately, is the Ku Klux Klan BUT just for what they wear!

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire have favorite dogs.

  What are they?

  The vampire’s is a Blood Hound.

  The werewolf’s is an Irish Wolf Hound,

  The ghost’s is a BOO-DLE!

  A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire each have favorite cities.

  What are they?

  The vampire’s is Capetown, South Africa.

  The werewolf’s is DO(d)Ge City, Kansas.

  The ghost’s is Langley, Virginia – headquarters of CIA “spooks”!

  A WITCH, A FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER, AND A TROLL…

  A witch, a Frankenstein monster, and a troll walk into a bar.

  What do they order?

  The witch orders a brew (witch’s brew).

  The troll orders a mash (sour mash).

  And the Frankenstein monster just wants a shot of electricity from the bar’s outlet.

  A witch, a Frankenstein monster, and a troll shop at Walmart.

  What do they buy?

  The witch buys a new broom.

  The troll buys a new sledgehammer.

  The Frankenstein monster buys new bolts and a sewing kit.

  A witch, a Frankenstein monster, and a troll each have favorite songs.

  What are they?

  The witch’s is “Season of the Witch”.

  The troll’s is “Monster Mash”.

  The Frankenstein monster’s is “You were Made for Me” sung to his Bride,

  A witch, a Frankenstein monster, and a troll each have songs they hate.

  What are they?

  The witch’s is “Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead”.

  The Frankenstein monster’s is “Light My Fire”

  And the troll’s is “I’m So Pretty”.

  A witch, a Frankenstein monster, and a troll all get "under the weather".

  What ails each one?

  The witch has "(black) Cat Scratch Fever"

  The Frankenstein monster has busted seams and rusty bolts.

  The troll has bad acne, but no one notices.

  THE NORSE GOD, THOR, A SKELETON, AND A HOBBIT…

  The Norse god, Thor, a skeleton, and a Hobbit walk into a bar.

  What do they order?

  Thor orders one of everything. He just wants to get "hammered".

  The skeleton orders an Irish Coffee to warm his bones.

  The Hobbit orders a strong whiskey that makes his toes curl.

  The Norse god Thor, a skeleton, and a Hobbit all shop at Walmart.

  What do they buy?

  Thor buys blonde hair color to hide his grey hairs

  The skeleton buys a bone saw so it can trim its fingernails.

  The Hobbit buys a gold ring (My Precious!).

  The Norse god Thor, a skeleton, and a Hobbit each has a favorite song.

  What are they?

  Thor’s favorite song is “If I Had a Hammer”.

  The skeleton’s is “Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones”.

  The Hobbit’s is “Ring of Fire”

  The Norse god, Thor, a skeleton, and a Hobbit each has an illness.

  What are they?

  Thor has hammer toes.

  The Hobbit has Ring worm.

  The skeleton has osteoporosis.

  THE DEVIL, AN ANGEL, AND A FAIRY…

  The Devil, an angel, and a fairy walk into a bar.

  What do they order?

  The
angel doesn’t order anything because The Boss doesn’t permit drinking.

  The Devil orders free drinks for everybody so they all get drunk and sin!

  The fairy orders a thimble of booze and then flies like a drunk moth around the bar

  The Devil, an angel, and a fairy each have favorite foods.

  What are they?

  The Devil's are devil's food cookies and Devil Dogs.

  The angel's is (of course) angel food cake.

  The fairy's are sugar plums.

  The Devil, an angel, and a fairy each have favorite songs.

  What are they?

  The fairy's is "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" from "The Nutcracker".

  The angel's is "Angel of the Morning".

  The Devil's is "Sympathy for the Devil" by The Rolling Stones.

  The Devil, an angel, and a fairy each have favorite books.

  What are they?

  The Devil's is "Mein Kampf" by Adolf Hitler.

  The angel's is the Bible, of course.

  The fairy's is "Peter Pan" but just the parts with Tinkerbell.

  A ZOMBIE, A DRAGON, AND THE INVISIBLE MAN…

  (Really, you were expecting

  a picture of the Invisible Man?)

  A zombie, a dragon, and the Invisible Man walk into a bar.

  What drink does each get?

  The dragon gets a flambé drink.

  The zombie gets formaldehyde.

  The Invisible Man gets no drink because no one can see him ordering!

  A zombie, a dragon, and the Invisible Man shop at Wal-Mart.

  What do they buy?

  The zombie buys calf’s brains.

  The dragon buys lighter fluid and flints.

  The Invisible Man buys sunburn lotion ‘cause he walks around naked all day.

  A zombie, a dragon, and the Invisible Man each have favorite movies.

  What are they?

  The zombie’s is “World War Z”

  The dragon’s is “How to Train Your Dragon”.

  Any movie is the Invisible Man’s favorite because he can sneak in free at any theater.

  A zombie, a dragon, and the Invisible Man each have favorite song.

  What are they?

  The Invisible Man’s is “Invisible Touch” by Genesis.

  The dragon’s is “Puff, the Magic Dragon” by Peter. Paul, and Mary.

  The zombie’s is “I Fall To Pieces” by Patsy Cline.

  ABOUT DONALD RAY

  Hi, I’m Donald Desch. “Donald Ray” is my pen name because “Desch” is so difficult to spell correctly in a search.

  I am a divorced dad with two daughters, Haley who was recently married to Anthony Nickerson, and her younger sister, Emily who is still in high school.

  I liken myself as “The Literature Pulitzer Prize Winner of Wal-Mart” where I have worked as a cashier for a good long time. (That is why all my supernatural trios shop there.)

  I love jokes and puns, as you can tell by this book.

  I also write serious poetry, as you can see below in OTHER BOOKS BY DONALD RAY.

  CONNECT WITH DONALD RAY

  Email: [email protected]

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100006643157411

  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pub/donald-ray/9B/405/264

  OTHER BOOKS BY DONALD RAY

  ODE TO A PROTRUDING GAP FILLER; A Multi-Themed Poetry Collection

  FIRST LETTER BOLD & BRAVE (Alphabetic Acrostic Poems on Emotions)

  A sample from:

  ODE TO A PROTRUDING GAP FILLER: A Multi-Themed Poetry Collection

  ODE to A PROTRUDING GAP FILLER

  If, on the most complicated machine ever built by Man,

  The Shuttle, a simple strip of felt can

  Send craft and crew fire-balling to the ground

  THEN where on earth can security be found?

  It is advised, “Don’t sweat things that are small!”

  BUT it seems the small can exact a deadly toll.

  -- A half pound fall of foam

  Sent Columbia’s heroes to the tomb.

  Are we to fear every tiny thing here?